I Couldn’t Be Happier…

Yeah, I’m aware I haven’t posted regularly on this blog for what seems like a phenomenonally long time by now.

Truth is, I feel like I’ve been struggling with routines over the past few months.

There are set things I do every day at specific timings. I do them, I get them done, I even enjoy doing some of them when I’m doing them.. and then after that, I’m left feeling a little… empty, with just a niggling worry in the back of my mind that I’ve left other things to fester because I don’t have sufficient hours in the day to prioritize doing them.

My whole life right now feels like one repeated routine after another.

I wake up. I engage in assorted morning rituals of toothbrushing and breakfasting and getting changed to go to work. I go to work.

I return home. I watch a TV show. I have dinner. I spend 30-90 minutes in GW2 depending on how much energy I feel I have, usually completing the daily cycle or attending Triple Trouble or visiting my home instance or crafting up time-limited materials or harvesting nodes in a set, regular pattern. I spend another 30 odd minutes in Trove filling up the daily star bar playing through one set of repeated dungeons or another.

Somewhen between this, I’ve been trying to squash in a regular habit of exercising for 15-30 minutes, preferably multi-tasking it in between game routines.

If I have any time or energy remaining, I squeeze in another hour or so of playing another game, usually something new on Steam or Minecraft. (Blogging, what’s that?)

I go to sleep. Repeat 6-8 hours later until the weekend.

This is undoubtedly a comfort to people who enjoy a highly structured existence, but personally, I feel like I’m a few degrees away from climbing the walls or gnawing off my arm.

Except that seems like too much trouble, so better to continue in my zombie-like cycle of drudgery and rinse and repeat… *brain melts*

I’m not exactly sure -why- either. I’m not 100% certain that it’s routines or lack of change to be blaming. It -could- simply be that there’s a lack of challenge or lack of anything new or novel that prompts learning or adapting that I’m craving subconsciously.

(Except that I -have- taken up a new exercise hobby, though I only have time to pay attention to it on the weekends, so it’s slow progress there. Too slow, sometimes, leading to impatience.)

It’s not that I haven’t been purposefully trying to incorporate something new or challenging in what I’ve been doing lately.

  • I spent 3-4 days playing Technobabylon, after nabbing it when it went on Steam sale. (Great game if you like sci-fi cyberpunk, by the way. Wadjet Eye makes very enjoyable adventure games with interesting characters and a solid enough story.)
  • I finished the “reach fractals level 50” challenge some time in the first week of October. (After which, all my motivation for doing further fractals evaporated like ice in a volcano and I stopped.)
  • I’ve broken routine now and then to have nights out and have a tasty dinner at a nice restaurant with others.
  • I even managed to rearrange my GW2 inventory to some degree, making space in my bank to accomodate the anticipated need to swap Ascended gear sets between characters, come the expansion.
  • I made a very simple pen and paper template for noting down trait builds, and a half-baked plan for accumulating more Ascended gear, after anticpating that I might have to swap characters between direct damage zerker, condi damage sinister, and maybe support/healing or tanky or control (been thinking about zealots or settler or nomad stats.)
  • I bought some RPG ebooks from Bundle of Holding, plus have a collection of nonfiction ebooks that are ready to be read whenever.
  • I picked up Tales from the Borderlands just the other day and was quite entertained playing through three-quarters of the first episode.

I’m slowly learning that I only like stuff from Telltale Games whose themes resonate with me. The comedic cynical corporate/cowboy cel-shaded theme is faithful to the Borderlands franchise and I’m enjoying it a great degree more than the hopeless quasi-realism nihilism of Walking Dead.

(Mysterious/supernatural/superpowered noir detective atmosphere of Fables? YES. MOAR PLS. No-win political/sexist brutality of Game of Thrones? Likely to be a no, unless on 75% off someday.)

Somehow, despite all this, I still feel vaguely… stuck and aimless.

Like I’m going in circles.

One cycle after another.

The scary thing is, when I ask myself, “Well, if you’re not happy, then what -do- you want? If you tell me, we can fix it and add it as a goal to strive toward.”

The answer comes back, “I dunno. I don’t really -want- anything right now. I’m happy, I guess? I’m content?”

Drives me nuts, I tell you.

Life is okay right now, but weirdly, I don’t seem to be (entirely) okay with that.

Nothing else to report for the moment. Maybe that’ll change when Heart of Thorns releases.

Or maybe I just can’t muster the energy to care about minor things like that when it’s just a game that I’m choosing to play, like any other.

(eg. It’s distinctly obvious that there’s going to be a move towards Ascended gear being the new baseline. Presumably there will be more opportunities to receive it as a reward in the coming days.

I can’t quite summon up any passion to either complain or comment, I just feel more like shrugging and shutting up and making my Ascended gear and continuing with playing the game until I one day get tired of it.)