I am starting to think that there is something seriously wrong with me.
I dread the writing of almost every blog post.
It’s not exactly for the lack of any ideas or anything to say – I could go grab one of the many writing prompts around the place; there are vague plans in my mind that I could share screenshots of my characters and talk about their backstories; there is a GW2 beta weekend going on that has already produced two impressions posts from the bountiful Bhagpuss; I have finished nearly all of the Trove things on the to-do list and either attempted or am making good progress on the others; I bought Savage Lands on a whim since it went on Steam sale and have been trying it out, just haven’t firmed up what I think about it yet, since it’s in Early Access and thus hard to make a judgment on…
… but it all remains rather ill-formed in my head, and all I want to do is just vegetate and watch some DOTA 2. (We’re almost at the last day now, 3 teams left.)
I think… part of the problem is that I can’t seem to muster up any enthusiasm lately.
Without that enthusiasm, without that excitement of “oh this is so cool and I want to share it with the world!” all I’m doing is feeding this general nihilistic sense of malaise and draining energy from the world at large, instead of something positive – which makes me want to say nothing instead. You know, the ol’ “If you can’t say anything good, then…”
I dunno, I have been -doing- a great many things, being productive and all, and generally feeding my secondary Achiever side, ticking off checklists, finishing collections, forming habits of repeat-this-loop-to-grind-and-earn-stuff but it all seems to be being done for the lack of anything better to do.
The primary Explorer side of me has been cast adrift and lost at sea for so long, it doesn’t quite know what to do with itself anymore.
Ok, new beta weekend? Oh, wait, it’s probably not that new since it’s likely the same content as the prior previews. And wait, if I explore too much now, am I not shooting myself further in the foot when it releases? Maybe I shouldn’t go crazy now.
Ok, I can explore the new Revenant legend and elite specializations and stuff.
So I go make a new Revenant, spend about 10 minutes painstakingly changing all the stats on the beta gear to Berserker in order to get a fair baseline for how it feels, and then take it for a spin in Cursed Shore. Dual swords is pretty cool, skill 3 is pretty nuts (though it does open yourself up to getting locked into a long animation, not so good in PvP perhaps but certainly awesomely Shiro-channeling OP on normal PvE mobs), the rest feel slightly slow and awkward, but that could be due to unfamiliarity.
I test the Shiro utility skills, and then think about trying them out in conjunction with one of the other three legends, glance at the traits panel, the weapon skills panel, and my mind just generally explodes and shuts down. The possibilities are pretty darned complicated, sorta like elementalist and engineer in the number of mix-and-match skills they could potentially have, and I just think, nah… maybe I’ll learn it when it goes live, or maybe I won’t bother to learn it at all.
Then I gamely make a necro and a guardian to test out their elite specialization… and I realize that I don’t have the focus to sit through another 10 minutes of switching all their gear to Berserker again. Meh, maybe tomorrow, I think, and just wear the default Celestial stats and thwap a few mobs with their skills. Mostly I just see their animations, read the skill bar and go, “hrm, okay” but it’s absolutely impossible to judge good or bad damage potential wearing Celestial, so that’s a wash for now.
Try Verdant Brink? … Nah. It’s just going to be more jungle on fire and at war with Mordrem again. More story frozen in time while we’re stuck waiting for the expansion to launch. More trying to speed-grind Masteries in too short a time. There’s not going to be any forward progress, nothing will be saved in beta, it just doesn’t feel ‘fun’ yet. Maybe tomorrow.
Then I log off and end up grinding even more in Trove.
Or I give that up and open Savage Lands, and realize that all survival crafting sandbox games are basically punch-tree, punch-rock, accumulate X numeric resources to craft the next thing simulators.
I’m trying, but it feels pretty forced.
I wish I could find the fun again.
This post was brought to you by the letters B for Belghast and Blaugust, T for Tired, and the number 8.
8 thoughts on “Blaugust Day 8: Where Has the Fun Gone?”
It sounds like you’re having a bit of a case of burnout. You did say you’ve been productive in a large amount of things, perhaps you’re forcing too much on yourself.
I’ve experienced similar in the past, doing too much and not giving myself space to breathe. It leads to pretty much what you’re describing, general malaise, and in my case extended procrastination which makes things worse.
I suggest you step back, look at what you’re doing, and prioritize it. Then just do the highest priority things and get to the rest if you can.
Or, just drop everything and do something else for a while and write about that.
Oh, and whatever you do, don’t feel guilty. That way leads madness.
Arg, burnout and apathy is no fun at all. Been there.
When things start to feel stale, it’s time to shake things up. Work out what you WANT to do, what you COULD do, and what you DON’T want to do. Try new things, meet new people, and let yourself take breaks. 🙂
“maybe I’ll learn it when it goes live, or maybe I won’t bother to learn it at all.” That’s my plan for all the Elite specs. Although I found more to enjoy than I expected in my brief wander through the beta (a lot more than Mrs Bhagpuss, who didn’t like what she saw at all) can’t say i want to waste more time there. If it wasn’t for the blogging possibilities I wouldn’t bother.
I’m not in an MMO fugue myself by any means but I do think we are very much in a “jam tomorrow” phase. Lots of potential new things promised but few actually here yet. The most enjoyable things seem to be revisits of old stuff (prog servers, old-school indie MMOs, revivals and revisits and revamps). I do think we are overdue something genuinely new and I’m not sure I see much sign of it arriving any time soon.
What they all said. I’m in the Summer Doldrums myself today, but that could be because of excessive beer, food & fun yesterday.
Tomorrow is another day. And as it turned out, a post about how much of a pain in the arse it is to post was very entertaining. 😀
After a very long drought am finally feeling much better myself again and lo, all the writing enthusiasm is back. So basically, I know the feeling exactly. Some bloggers write about how they blogged more when they weren’t doing well in their lives, but for me it’s the other way around. If it all feels meh, blogging does too.
As a fellow explorer, I still think you should give ARR a go and join us on cactuar. If nothing else, you will love the beauty, peace and quiet of that world. I’d be happy to send you a friend invite, altho you still need to buy the game.
There have already been some great thoughts posted here, I just wanted to add my voice that you’re not alone. My biggest problem with blogging tends to be when I’m either not gaming much, or not doing anything new. I feel like I “should” be trying more games just to have something to write about. Sometimes I just post something off topic, and sometimes I go ahead and talk about what I’m doing even if it isn’t anything new.
Good luck, in any case. Being burnt out is no fun, it can be tough knowing where to go from there.
One of the few issues I have with Blaugust is that it tends to make loving mandatory rather than fun. Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac would not approve.
Perhaps you just need to take a break, although I suspect that’s exactly what you’d be doing if you thought burnout or something similar were the issue.
Or perhaps not? You could just vegetate, watch DOTA, and then post about what you watched. Nothing wrong with waist-height walls of text.
This happens to me too often. I just stop, totally 100% stop for a bit, do something completely different and after a while I have charged those batteries and come back to other things again.