Random Search Terms of the Last 30 Days

It’s been pretty hard to see what people have been searching for, ever since search engines like Google started masking the keyword phrases from statistics collection.

2,109 were ‘unknown search terms,’ which is what WordPress classifies masked phrases as.

That leaves us with only 231 to scan through.

13 of those were looking for ‘lesbian sex’ – of which I doubt my one post about The Secret World’s Dragon faction tutorial mission would really satisfy – and 4 of those for ‘animated sex’, confirming once again that the Internet is for porn.


Wildstar

9 people have come looking for first impressions of Wildstar, while others have more interesting concerns on their mind:

‘wildstar adventures chicken’

– Oh, does it have chicken play like in LOTRO too?

‘wildstar first achievements’

– Are you looking for a guide which tells you which achievements to do first? Or trying to compare e-peen with who got a particular one FIRST? Like SERVER FIRST ACHIEVEMENT, WHOOOOO…

‘wildstar difficulty’

– Magic 8 ball says “Yes.”

‘wildstar dungeon slow’

– It’s you. You’re not hardcore enough to speedrun shit. Did you have -any- interrupt armor slotted?

‘what if my scanbot dies wildstar’

– Or maybe it’s players like this never getting taught by the rest, trying to sneak into LFD without getting attacked by toxic players. You… resummon it, by the way. (At least, that’s how it worked in Beta, when I played for a couple days.)

‘is anyone else stuck at level 20 in wildstar?’

– …no?

‘wildstar why i quit’

– Ah, ye olde search for justifications to rationalize your decisions gambit. Twice.

‘i just bought a year worth of game play for wildstar and its not there’

– That might be a good reason to see the search term above.


Guild Wars 2

‘gw2 tengu data mined’

– …I wish. Cantha confirmed?

‘gw2 why is liadri so hard’

– …Because.

– Abaddon feasts upon the tears of your frustration. All your deaths to Liadri and cruel jumping puzzles are but sacrifices to the bloodstone that rebirth the coming of the old god, which will herald a new age of DOOM. See Living Story Season 5 – When Livia Returns!

‘gw2 charr gods’

– CHARR NEED NO GODS.

‘gw2 chaos of lyssa drop raate’

– Sucks. Like every other rare one-percentile-or-less desirable item out there.

‘main trin safe spot’

– There is none. Get gud. Learn to kite and dodge and condition cure bleeds and communicate with your team to make sure everyone’s on the same page. And if four of you cluster together during the cannon phase, you just killed the poor bastard in the other corner trying to spread the cannon fire out. ALL SPREAD or ALL RUN TOGETHER.

‘guild wars 2 austalian wvwvw player are fighting doors and npcs’

– Time to transfer to a higher tier server with more Oceanic and SEA opposition.

‘gw2 edge of the mists commanding tips’

– Wear blue dorito. Run away from any players from the other sides. Go in a big circle visiting any available objectives that give loot.

– Or conversely, bring some players used to real WvW with you, drop a few choice pieces of superior siege, chase away everybody from the map after one brief shining moment of swimming in loot bags.

‘gw2 large body’

‘gw2 norn boobs’

– Looks like there’s a niche for GW2 fetish porn. Any takers? You might get plenty of hits! Mix in lesbian sex, furries. and cross-species ERP and you’re golden.

‘gw2 best drop place for dusk 10 june 2014’

– If I knew, I wouldn’t be here wasting my time writing this post. I’ll be building a time machine.


Miscellaneous

‘landmark game crashes’

– No surprise there. It’s beta, the devoted will tell you.

‘tinkers construct smeltery eats my ores that i melt down’

– Yes, that’s meant to happen. You need an outlet from which to release the molten ore and send it into a casting tray/box of some sort.

‘sleeping dogs how to break from getting arrested’

– Run or drive really really fast away from the sirens. Failing which, do something permanent to the annoying vehicles in your way. No one said being a undercover triad mobster would be easy.

‘i hate runes of magic site’

– Me too?

‘what happens when the clentaminator with red solution hits a shadow orb in terraria’

– Gee, that’s a really detailed question. How did you get here? I’ve never written any FAQs about Terraria! Short answer: Haven’t a clue. Maybe you should try it out.

‘tales of maj’eyal save game editor’

– Cheaaaat. Just use Exploration mode and be happy, eh?

‘people that are level 100 in mob war and need friends’

– Not me, I stopped playing that after a month. Try one of the ubiquitous fake friends sites for posting your code and scraping off a whole bunch of others.

‘i miss city of heroes so much’

– Me too. Pre-incarnate trials anyway.

‘mmos were never fun’

– I’m caught between feeling sorry for you and suggesting that if this is true for you, it’s time to stop chasing them and play something that -is-.

‘get to the blue mountains tsw’

‘why can’t i go to blue mountain tsw’

‘tsw where is the blue mountain zone’

– Seriously?! This is still a confusing issue two years later.

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One thought on “Random Search Terms of the Last 30 Days

  1. bhagpuss says:

    Blogger still shows me my current top 10 search terms. When I heard about the search term shrouding I thought that would stop but it didn’t. If there ever was a way to see more than the top10, however, I didn’t know it so nothing has changed for me.

    Since Google is always my top page-view contributor (I imagine that’s true for everyone) I’d love to see the full list. I get an aggregate of the top pages and the total page views and there’s always a large disparity. It used to be by a factor of maybe 10 to 1 but nowadays it’s more like half that or less, which I take to mean I’m getting a higher proportion of intentional visits as compared to recent or specific posts rather than random google hits, but without seeing the search terms it’s hard to tell what percentage of the google traffic itself is meaningful.

    I also almost never get any amusing search terms in that top ten. They nearly always make sense and look rational. I assume the funny ones are buried further down.

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